on embracing my Buddha-nature

A survivor's search for inner peace and healing

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drive without judgement….

I have a horrible problem with road rage. Of course, it goes deeper than me just raging at the other drivers on the road. I suppose I should say, I have a horrible problem with anger.

One of the residual negatives of living through trauma. Anger.

One of the worst ways it comes out of me. On the road.

I am working with my therapist to try, firstly, to get me through each day with less expression of my anger behind the wheel. I know that my behavior and actions behind the wheel could become dangerous.

That is a work in progress.

And we haven’t gotten to the heart of the problem yet. I guess, first things first.

On my end, and because my therapist can’t be with me every minute of the day, in other words, when I am behind the wheel, I am trying a few different things. I am trying to modify my driving to the point that I become less enraged as I drive.

I have started with a simple act. Listening to music I find more spiritual and calming as I drive. I have found this helpful.

The other simple act is a mindful act. A mindful thought, and a mantra:

Drive without judgement.

Instead of flipping people off and calling them names, I am trying to drive without judgement.

Without judgement as to how fast or slow they are going. Without judgement as to who they are as people. Realizing that my judgements of other drives may be totally off course. I cannot know them because I have not walked in their shoes.

Drive without judgement.

Drive being mindful of my actions, of the ways I drive.

Drive with safety in mind, and accountability for my own actions.

But above all, drive without judgement.

I have found it helpful, in a big way. And I hope that I can start each day being mindful that it is helpful, and that I can set my intention for the drive in this way.

Then I can start to tackle my anger.


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words of my yoga therapist….

“Wherever it is that you are right now, is where you are supposed to be.”

Pretty profound words. Of course, she was referring to a pose that we as a class were doing. But for me, those words she spoke went far beyond yoga class and a simple pose.

her words give me a lot to think about. In a way, those words are very comforting. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself. To be better. To do better. To look better. To be farther along in my study of Buddhism. To be farther along in my healing. To be feeling better, and be having less pain from the accident I was in last week.

After all, I am Super Woman, don’t you know…..

And when I experience a set back, as I did this past weekend, I can bring that hammer down pretty hard on myself.

So, for me, her words were welcome to my ears and to my mind and body and soul. My yoga therapist may just turn out to be one of my best teachers.

I am still pondering on those words, and trying to keep them at the forefront of my day. Maybe setting them as a daily intention for a period of time would be helpful.


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my silence…

I have been silent from here for some time now. Things have happened, some physical. Some emotional.

My physical health is not wonderful. I still am having much pain from the car accident I was in. And I have been feeling very exhausted.

I don’t know what is going on inside of me, emotionally. I have not been able to put my words into writing. Between being exhausted, and not being able to write, I have been left tired and frustrated.

I don’t fully understand what it is that is going on inside of me, but hopefully with some thought and meditation, I will come to understand what it is, and what I can do to take care of my self.

Hopefully I will be back in full form, and writing soon.

Thank you for having patience with me.



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