on embracing my Buddha-nature

A survivor's search for inner peace and healing

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my silence…

I have been silent from here for some time now. Things have happened, some physical. Some emotional.

My physical health is not wonderful. I still am having much pain from the car accident I was in. And I have been feeling very exhausted.

I don’t know what is going on inside of me, emotionally. I have not been able to put my words into writing. Between being exhausted, and not being able to write, I have been left tired and frustrated.

I don’t fully understand what it is that is going on inside of me, but hopefully with some thought and meditation, I will come to understand what it is, and what I can do to take care of my self.

Hopefully I will be back in full form, and writing soon.

Thank you for having patience with me.


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your own worst enemy…

I came across a quote on Facebook the other day:

“The person who says it cannot be done
Should not interrupt
The person doing it.”

–Chinese proverb

It spoke to me. I had to sit with it and think for a time. And this is what it said to me.

I don’t think this proverb is referring to two different people. I see it as referring to one–to me. And I think it is saying this:

Do not let yourself be your own worse enemy…

Do not let those words of self doubt fill your mind. Remember that you can do it, that you are doing it.

Something like that.

But I know from experience that I can do that to myself. I can stop myself in the middle of doing something and say to myself, you can’t do it. Sometimes I need to listen to my inner voice.

And sometimes, I need to not listen to my inner voice.

I need to not interrupt myself when I am in fact doing what I thought impossible.

I have much to learn, and far to go.


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Mahamudra/Vajra Regent Osel Tendzin

The following quoted text was posted on Facebook by my Sangha. I love it. I found it very insightful to read, and I find it is something I really need to keep in mind when I meditate. So I just had to share it here.



“Mahamudra is effortless. The practice of shamatha is the key to effortlessness. When you practice meditation, fix your posture and align it so that heaven and earth are completely in conjunction. Your body becomes the lightning rod between heaven and earth. Then relax everything. Let your past dissolve into the earth, let your future dissolve into space, let the present moment dissolve into your breath, and then forget everything you just did. Stare directly into space and relax your mind. And whatever happens, don’t be concerned. The absence of deliberate action is the real message. My dear friends, you make much too big a deal of your meditation practice. You should relax your body, speech and mind, and let your mind go where it will. If something occurs, don’t be concerned. If something doesn’t occur, don’t be concerned. Take this very moment as empty in itself and at the same time full of Buddha’s wisdom and insight.”

— from The Chariot of Liberation, Talk 5, April 1984 by Vajra Regent Ă–sel Tendzin

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compassion, anger, and struggle…

Reading a book by His Holiness The Dalai Lama. His Essential Wisdom

Just picked it up last night and started on it. I am trying to find more time to put into my reading and studying. I hate that I let life carry me away sometimes and I get sidetracked from the important studying and reading I must do.

Anyway, he speaks a lot about compassion. He also speaks about anger. I haven’t gotten to that part yet.

I bring these up, because I struggle so hard with those two things. Compassion, and anger. See, at times I let my PTSD rule my thoughts and emotions, and sometimes even my beliefs. I end up only angry, and lacking compassion.

I have just started on the part of the book that gets into compassion. I am hoping that reading, and maybe re-reading through what he has written, that some part of his wisdom will shine through in me, and I may be filled with at least some compassion.

On a good note, at least I try every day. Many days my intention for that day is to be more compassionate to those around me.

I have much work to do.


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letting go….

Learning how to let go….

It isn’t easy.

I have been spending my day letting go….

Of the material in my life.

So far, so good, although it has been hard. But I know I need to let go of the material attachments in my life. And I have many.

Over the years, I have amassed many “pretty” things. Things that caught my eye. But not things that I use. Instead, they sit and collect dust. But for some reason, I have never been able to let go of them.

Today has been a start, and I am proud of how I have done so far.

I think what makes it harder for me, is that some of what I have amassed is tied to a past life of mine. So I know that for me, letting go of all I have amassed ties in to moving beyond that which held me by its power in my last life.

I hope to keep making progress on this. And I know I have a long way to go.



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