on embracing my Buddha-nature

A survivor's search for inner peace and healing

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that is beautiful…

Those who do not understand me and the choices I make are not on my path.

And that is OK….

I can say that today because today I am more comfortable with who I am.

And I may not understand you or the choices you have made.

And that too is OK.

And that too I can say today, because today I am more comfortable with who I am,

And that makes it easier to accept you for who you are, without judgment.

And I think that is beautiful….


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“Train your mind to see the good in everything…and everyone”


I found this quote while searching for a mantra as part of my trauma therapy.   I added the “and everyone” to the end of it, because that would make it much more appropriate to what I am working on in therapy.

Said each morning, staying mindful of the words, I hope to use the mantra in my healing.


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mud and lotus…

My yoga teacher, who is also an inspiration to me, as she is Buddhist, is supportive, and is a light to follow, I have found, gave me the gift of a book a couple of weeks ago.

No Mud, No Lotus, by Thich Nhat Hanh.

The book is very special to me.

First, because my yoga teacher thought so much of me and my progress to actually gift the book to me.  From her, it means a lot.

Second, I caught a show where Thich Nhat Hanh was interviewed.  Everything about what he said made me think, was comforting, and gave me hope.  If you have heard him speak, you will know what a soothing gentle voice he has.  He has a light in his eye.  He is positive, has such a wealth of knowledge.

His words definitely struck a chord with me.

Third, because one of the first things that attracted me to start studying Buddhism was The Four Noble Truths.  The Art of Transforming Suffering speaks volumes to what No Mud, No Lotus is about.  I have started reading it.

At the time that I started to study Buddhism, I was going through my own mental suffering.  I had just been discharged from my VA hospital’s locked mental health ward.    And it was shortly after that that I had my accident, and have since suffered off and on with physical pain.

I look forward to making it through this book, with the goal to better understand my suffering and what I can do in the moment to transform it to something else.




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too long

It’s been too long since I’ve been here.  I’ve let things, and life, get in my way of my spiritual life, and that is not a good thing.

The result is that I feel way more hectic than I probably need to.  Although I have incorporated some spiritual things in to my daily life.

Not enough, though, and not enough conscious practice.

I shall work on this.

I have been looking at intentions, and trying to bring about setting an intention every day as something that I do kind of automatically.  It is a work in progress.

However, full well knowing that I can become overwhelmed by even the best of intentions, I have started with that on a small basis.  Doing too much too soon, and just diving into the deep end, as they say, tends to become very counterproductive for me.

I think I have made a start here.



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makes me wonder…

I was watching a movie today in which the subject of prayer was brought up.  And it made me wonder.

When I meditate on compassion, for example, I sometimes walk away from my meditation expecting to all of a sudden be filled with the most wonderful feeling of compassion for all around me.

Of course, it never works that way.  And sometimes, I feel like I have disappointed not only my self, but the whole of the universe as well.

After the discussion about prayer in the movie I watched today, I think I can apply what was said of prayer in that movie to my practice of meditation.

Maybe it is that when I meditate on compassion, and set an intention to be more compassionate, maybe it’s not that it will just happen like a bolt of lightning.

Maybe, instead, it is more like, after I walk away from my meditation, the universe will throw situations at me, or people at me, in which I can put into practice that which I have meditated on.  Maybe that person who irritates me has been put in my path so that I can put into practice compassion.

Maybe that old lady whose car is in front of mine, and who is driving extremely slowly, has been put in front of my car so that I can put into practice compassion.

Kind of puts things in a new light for me.  And makes me wonder.


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I have heard a lot of people lately talking about being their authentic self.  About finding who they really are, and about living their lives as who they really are.   Being authentic.  Being true to your self.

Being real.

It is interesting, that what goes around in my brain when I think about being my authentic self, is that to me, it feels like my life becoming filled with me as my authentic self seems like it would be something of a transformation.

The past year and a half have been a journey for me.  A healing journey.  A spiritual journey.  I journey to embrace my Buddha-nature.  A journey to learn and live a more compassionate and fulfilling life.

A journey where, at times, I stumble as I go.

My journey down this path has not been easy.  Many times I take one step forward, and more than one back.  But it has been a journey.   A transformation is arising in me as I walk down this path.  I have come to start to see my authentic self.  Who I have been, who I am, and who I am meant to be.

Who I should have been all along, and the parts of my self that need to change as I continue on my journey.

So, for me, becoming my authentic self feels so much more of a process.  I can see into the horizon of who my authentic self is, and as I journey down my path, I pick up more of the small pieces that will eventually make up the whole of who I really am, inside.

And I think I just answered my own question.

Becoming my authentic self is not something that happens over night.  For me, it is a process.   A process of healing, of self realization, and of strength and courage to begin to live my life as my authentic self, regardless of what any single person in the universe has to say about it.



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